I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
