Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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