Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
