I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
