I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
