my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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