this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
