the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
