covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
