Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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