it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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