I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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