maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't deserve a penis
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
