So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
