no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
