I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
