I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
