So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
