You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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