glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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