why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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