i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
