His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
