its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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