I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
