there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
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