that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
