At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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