You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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