Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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