Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
His nipple licking is glorious
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
