he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
