it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
