I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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