But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
