Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
