I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He better not be in your backpack
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
