I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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