I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
