I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
