Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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