he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
