if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
