I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
