Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
