I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
