I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
