omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
