Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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