I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
