I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
