I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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