Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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