Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
